Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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