i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
