8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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