I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
