I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
