Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
