I got chris browned last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
