Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
