Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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