WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
