Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
