I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
