Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
