Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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