No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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