Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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