Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize