Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
