it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
