Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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