On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize