just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize