yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
