Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
