Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
