i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize