I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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