Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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