So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
