She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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