I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
