Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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