Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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