My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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