Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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