Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
