Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
