Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
