So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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