Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
