people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
