wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
did i just pee glitter
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
