You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
