What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
