never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
