I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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