a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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