trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
