she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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