Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
