Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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