i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Girls should come with a carfax report
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
