Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
