You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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