I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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