Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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