i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
