You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
