Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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