he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
