I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
