My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
