You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
