Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
