she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
